How do we go on

I never, ever thought I would write a blog.  I am afraid to post on facebook, that no one will care or see it.  This is for my own mental health and if it helps anyone at all, it is worth it.

Today I lost my child.  I keep hoping, praying, begging that I will wake up from this dream.  It is simply not possible.  This morning that beautiful 6 foot four and a half inch boy walked out my door vibrant and alive.  With a brilliant mind and compassionate heart, ready to face the world.  To change the world.  He wanted to be a doctor.  He wanted to help.  He wanted to heal.  He did not deserve this.  Please God, Please I beg you let this not be true.  It is simply too much to bear.  No one should ever, ever, ever, ever have to go through this.  There are not words in the English language to describe the pain.  The anguish.  There is a giant, gaping black hole where my heart used to be.  Where Lucas used to be.  He was my everything.  As my sister said, my guardian angel.  I truly believe he was too good to be on this earth.  He was an angel.  My biggest fear is that his life, his loss of life will be for nothing.  I desperately want it to mean something.  All I can hope is that his legacy will live on and on.  That somehow somewhere there is a reason.

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127 thoughts on “How do we go on

  1. Me and my family are praying for you, you’re family and everyone that Lucas touched with his heart. I can’t imagine what your going through but know that god is always there and has a higher plan for all of us i reach out to you and your family and pray you will make it through this hard time. I did not know Lucas but my friends went to goodwille with him from what i heard you raised a strong compassionate sweet boy who was taking to soon. We all will be praying for you. god bless

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  2. Dear Melissa and family,

    We do not know each other personally however I am friends with Joy and Joel Bundy and also Karen Herrema Hampshire whom you know. You and your family are in thoughts and prayers by so many through out this community that you will never be aware of, but I truly believe will receive the strength and faith from there prayers to carry on with what now must seem impossible. However through Christ his promise to us is nothing is impossible, when we cannot imagine carrying on he will pick you up and carry you forward. My heart aches for you and your family in the earthly loss of your precious Lukes. Forgotten? Never, he will remain in the thoughts and hearts of many. You may never know the difference this tragedy may make in peoples lives, making the time to hug their loved ones a little tighter. Why? I think is a normal question. My prayers for comfort, trust, faith and understanding which the Lord will provide and in your time will heal.

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  3. My daughter, Rachel, attended GES with Lucas. Please know your GES family is heart-broken, and are praying for you all. We saw Lucas at cross country meets and at the grocery store – he always spoke to us and I remember thinking that I would be so lucky to have my boys conduct themselves like this impressive young man. He gave Rachel the nickname, “Ray Ray,” because he joked with her that her hair was the color of a golden ray of sunshine. She is grateful for this special memory and that so many people still call her by this name. Your words are beautiful – thank you for sharing them with so many people that just want to lift you up in anyway they can. SO MANY people care – so many people you have never met nor will ever know are praying for you through the intricate web of lives Lucas touched. He will not be forgotten. May the Lord carry you and help you heal.

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  4. Even though we do not know you, we were deeply touched by the news of your son Lucas’ tragic accident. We are heartbroken for you and DO understand how you feel. Seven years ago we lost our dear 29 year old daughter very suddenly. We also questioned why God would take away a young mother with two little boys who needed her and a husband who so depended on her. Seven years later we still ask why and still have no answers. Friends will reach out to you with love, hugs, cards, meals and other caring acts…let them do this. I’m sure you are having trouble even functioning or praying right now. But that’s where your friends come in, to lift you up when you are unable to. And it’s OK if you find praying difficult….God understands. Time will help to lessen the pain although it never goes away. Every Dec. 6 the pain is brought to the surface again. Jan. 16 will be that way for you. You are being held up right now by many people’s prayers and you will definitely feel that. We know that some day we will see our Tanya again, you will see your Lucas again and we will both finally understand the reason why.

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  5. I don’t know you, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t shed tears for you or your beautiful boy or your family. No one in our Forest Hills community is unaffected by this loss… and I guarantee you no one will forget Lucas. Your blog, as heartbreaking as it is to read, is the most beautiful tribute to your boy that you could possibly have given him.. and while I have no comforting words to offer or give you, what I can tell you is that people DO care. You may not know us, you may not be able to see yet from the depths of your grief, but there is a community of caring parents, students, teachers, and administrators who want to help in whatever way we can. Your burden is not one we can shoulder, but perhaps in seeing what an impact his life and untimely loss have had on our community will bring you some relief from your fears. He made a difference. People care. We may not be able to relieve your pain, but we can try to help shoulder some of the work that living demands of you. If your family needs meals, or rides, or help around the house, use this blog as a vehicle. You don’t have to ask anyone individually… I am certain that anyone who reads your words would be more than willing to help. May Lucas’s memory always be a blessing to those who he loved and who loved him and may you find some measure of peace and comfort in knowing that his memory will carry on. No parent should have to go through what you are dealing with.

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  6. I don’t know you, yet as a mother, my heart breaks for you, your husband and your children, and all who knew Lucas. It’s an unimaginable tragedy and my heart along with so many, hopes and prays for you, that you may feel the love of the community, that you might know the comfort of God and find strength to sustain you now and in the coming days, weeks and months. .

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  7. Melissa,
    I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you. I lost my 16yr old son on Oct 24 He was hit by a truck. He was gone by the time we found out. I know the pain your feeling. Its something a parent should NEVER feel. My heart breaks for you and your Family. If you need to talk to someone who knows what your going thru feel free to contact me on facebook,when your ready. I know at first I wasnt ready,still to this day sometimes I just want to be alone. I’m more then happy to just listen or help. God be

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  8. Melissa, First of all I would like to express my sincere condolences on the loss of your precious son. I find it very unselfish and incredibly strong of you to put your very real, raw emotion in this blog. This past year I have known five families who have lost children suddenly. One a relative. One a childhood friend of my daugher, one a high school friend of my son and two of my previous co workers within the past two weeks. They all died tragically😢 It is heartbreaking! I have noticed is that three of them channel their grief via the internet. I am a group therapist and believe what your doing is helping you through your unmeasurable sadness but also helping other parents going through similar pain. I admire your strength.

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  9. As a mother of two, my heart is broken for you. As someone who is experiencing this type of loss with her best friend, I feel what you are going thru. I am with her everyday of her grief and loss, her questions why, her anger, also her trying to find this meaning. It has been since August of her loss. The strength you will gain from his friends and people Lucas has impacted will be amazing and comforting, helping you to heal. As time passes there will be reminders everyday, a person coming into your life that will be impacted by your loss. It will change people, families and a community in a positive way, assisting them to look at life here on earth differently. That is just one small stone cast in the water of how Lucas & this tragedy will impact so many in the ways Lucas would have wanted. Live life full, follower your dreams, be an inspiration. Know that this was Gods Plan. My prayers are with you. God Bless!

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  10. Dear Melissa,
    I am very sorry for your loss. I am a senior at Forest Hills Central High School. I understand how hard it was to wait in a room with a dying family member while the doctors are doing the best of the ability to keep them alive, only for the end result to be the person’s death. Although it is not right for a person of such age to know the trauma of death, let alone experience it, know that many people (friends, family, and many others) are reaching oit to you for support.
    My sisters and I recently moved to Michigan in June 2014 from Indianapolis, Indiana due to our adoptive mother passing from stage four metastatic breast cancer. On May 13, 2014 at 9:03 p.m, I had been the last person in the room to bid my farewells as she passed away in my midst. She had been hospitalized three days prior to, due to her weak immune system and lack of muscles to hold her up. It was probably the most traumatizing thing I could ever imagine. Her will had stated that my three sisters and I would be under the legal guardianship of her best childhood friends that reside in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
    I never knew Lucas personally, only through rare passing in the hallway from the one semester I have attended in Michigan. Melissa, please know that I am here to support your family and understand your familiar loss.

    Jaide

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  11. Dear Melissa,

    Please know that the parents, students and families of the entire forest hills community are thinking of you and sending love to you and your family during this tragic loss. You are in my constant thoughts and prayers. Sending comfort, love, healing to your broken and aching hearts. You have a beautiful soul watching over you now and he will be with you always.

    Gina

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  12. Hi Melissa,

    My cousin shared your blog. First left me express to you I’m sorry to hear of your great loss of your son Lucas. Second is when I read your blog I thought I was listening to my wife. We lost our 15 year old daughter this past November 29. I hear those same words almost every day. Although I don’t say them I somewhat know the pain you’re expressing. I say some what only because you like my wife carried your little one in your womb.

    We’ll keep you in our prayers. It’s the only thing that is going to get us through this beside, tears, touching (getting as many hugs as possible), talking about it, and most of all time, it’s going to take a lot of time, to ease the pain. But the pain will never totally go away. Stay close to God He’s been helping me get though this. Crank up the music on WCSG 91.3 the music is quite uplifting.

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  13. Melissa,
    We’ve never met and I never had the pleasure of meeting Lucas. My college roommate shared the story of your son on Facebook.

    There are no words I can share to express my sadness. There are no acts that will make your new reality better. But please know that I am sending as much love as I can from Denver and that the loss of your son touched my heart.

    A little less than 2 years ago, I lose my daughter. She was 18. So, while I can never know how you feel, I do have some understanding of the tragic loss of a child. I know the feelings you describe and the need to make some sense of a senseless event.

    Finding ways to see my guardian angel, my daughter, in my life is what gets me through each day. When you’re ready, I hope you will reach out to others who understand this awful reality because those who have never lost a child cannot understand. It’s been a blessing for me.

    As you get through the next days, weeks and months, know that there are people everywhere sending you strength and love.

    Jan in Denver

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  14. Our love and prayers are with you and your family during this unimaginable time of grief and loss. Please know even though we have never met I feel there is a connection of mother’s undying love for their child(ren) that connects you and I. I’m so sorry. I wish time could be reversed.

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  15. You are not alone! Many people, including me, are lifting you and your dear family up in prayer. Hopefully, you will feel the love and support that surrounds you. God bless you and strengthen you!

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  16. Melissa, how truly sorry I am to hear the sad news about Lucas. Nothing said or done by any of us will alleviate your family’s pain right now. As you so rightly grieve the loss of your angel please remember this psalm: ” Lift up thine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help…” Psalm 121. May God be with you and your family and may the love that we extend to you also strengthen you during this time.

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  17. Dear Melissa. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. On the day I heard of Lucas’ accident, I also heard that a boy I was at school with had taken his own life. We were just in the same classes at school and I hadn’t seen him for 25 years but it has affected me with much sadness. All I can say is that the people your son, Lucas, touched will be wider than you can ever imagine, that the many contemporaries affected by his passing will remember him and, I hope, give his life meaning by following his fine example. I wish you strength from the love and prayers that surrounds you, even from those people you will never meet. x

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  18. Dear Melissa,

    We do not know each other but as a mom I grieve with you. I believe that sharing your thoughts in this way will help you to heal.

    Your beautiful son Lucas will never be forgotten. I believe as time goes on you will hear people share their thoughts and stories on how he touched their lives in such a short time.

    I am so very sorry for your loss and are keeping you and your beautiful family in my prayers.

    May God wrap his loving arms around you and your family .

    Rita

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  19. Dear Melissa and Family, we were watching the Today Show when this heartbreaking report came on the local news. It was devasting to hear and I can only imagine what it has been like. Please know our thoughts and prayers are continuing for your whole family and those who loved your son. So sorry, ..haven’t got adequate words.

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  20. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. It is every parent’s worse nightmare and my heart breaks for you. I am praying for you and your family. Please have faith that one day you will be together again.

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  21. Your dear angel, your son’s life and death has not happened in vain. You helped me, and many others, realize how precious life and love is, and how we should cherish every day and every minute spent on Earth. We all will pass away one day, but when a tragedy like this happens, it illuminates the fragility and the beauty of our lives, the love God creates in this world, that we need to live every moment in love and peace. No, nothing is in vain, Melissa, everything has a purpose. Souls everywhere are crying and suffering with you right now for your angel. No one can take away your pain right now, but no, nothing is in vain. Our deep gratitude to you for opening up your heart and your suffering to the world.

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  22. Dearest Melissa,

    You do not know me, but I also lost a son suddenly and my heart goes out to you. The Torment, the anguish and the pain is the worst. I was angry with God and kept asking him why he took my son. I wanted it to be a nightmare and when I woke up ,it never happened and everything was fine, but truth is, it did happen and I had to deal with it, I didn’t want to, I was so angry and looking for someone to blame. It happened 3 years ago this Valentines Day and I still hate Valentines Day. I still think of him everyday, I still have a hole in my heart and I still cry often. I miss him so much! I had no choice but to keep going and move forward for my family and my other children. I have learned to take one day at a time, I have bad days and I have good days and I can laugh with my family and friends again and I know my son is always with me. People tell you, it will get better. I don’t think it ever gets better, I think we just learn to survive without them, a form of survival mode.
    I just want you to know that you are not alone and my heart goes out to you. Take it one day at a time.

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  23. Hi , my name is Jonathan Marcus and I just want to say that your son was the nicest person I knew. He was on my baseball team, and some of my classes, he was the person who walked into the room and everything lit up. He was nice to everybody. He never picked a fight, or even called someone a name. Lucas is right beside God right now.

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  24. Melissa and family
    Hi my name is zelpha and I just want to say mom to mom I am so very very sorry for you loss my heart goes out to you all. As a mom I peary every day that when my family walks out the door they will all come home safe as all mom’s do. I can’t even pitcher what you and your family are going through all I can say is my heart brakes for all of you. Your son sounds like he was very kind caring and loving and he us going to be missed by a lot of
    people but never forgotten. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prays hugs to you all.

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  25. The indescribable pain you are suffering has a force. It is a negative force right now : a hole in your heart, emptiness that you are prone to drown in.
    When you think there is nothing else that it worth to live, it s when you need to think about your beautiful son. Not just thoughts, but Feel who he is, his expectations on earth . I say is because he is! Your sister said it right to you : he is your angel. He fought for it and earned his place back to God. Then ask yourself : what does he want you to continue for him?
    His legacy : it is you who will keep building it.
    It doesn’t need to be big. Small acts can touch few people who in their turn will be inspired to touch others and on and on …and at one point it become a huge Act.
    More I read about your son, more I feel how exceptional he is, how many times he touches the life of others! These people and more of them look up for him and will always do because of Lucas powerful strength and love. One of the reason he is like that is because of You, everything you gave him. His physical envelop is not on earth , but his Beautiful soul is. Ask Lucas for help and guidance. What does he ask you to do? Little by little follow your inner voice and transform the negative force of the pain into something stronger more powerful that is the legacy of Lucas on this earth, the one that he wants you to continue. Ask us for help to do so.
    We pray daily for your family.

    With Love, Karine

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