Nightmare

Yesterday was horrific. Today is worse. I’m supposed to meet with a funeral home today. I don’t think I can. I am a shell. A void of nothingness. There is nothing left of me. He was my everything.

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28 thoughts on “Nightmare

  1. My heart breaks for you and I am still in shock. I remember Lucas as a sweet young boy learning to play the viola at GES. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through. Know that many many people are praying for your family. One of my favorite verses I go to is Rev. 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” It helps me remember that we are here for only a little while and then we will join our loved ones in Heaven. Hold strong to your faith. We are weeping with you and we will not forget your sweet young boy.

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  2. Melissa,
    You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    I hesitate to write because I don’t want it to be the wrong words. I think you are so brave to start a blog.

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  3. Melissa… you and your family are blanketed in prayer. God knows your pain and HE will sustain you every inch of the way. I cannot even fathom what you are going through but I do know that you are all loved and you will be cared for. Do what you have to do, take a breath, take a step and be brave to ask for help. I encourage you to keep writing in this blog and empty it all out.

    My husband and I are the coaches for the FHC Girls JV Basketball team and we are also the Assistant Coaches for the Freshmen Basketball team, I am also a Mentor Mom at Thornapple MOPS… we are all praying.

    Gail Evans

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  4. Melissa,

    We have never met..my husband knows Rich and your daughter Brooklyn is in my daughters class. As a fellow mother of two I wanted to reach out to you to let you know how very sorry I am for your loss…my heart and soul weep for you. Lucas sounds like an absolute wonder, a soul that will be here for eternity..and while his body is no longer here with you..I believe Melissa that he will bring you the strength that you need, he will bring you healing in time..he is your guardian angel forever and nothing can take that away from you. Your family is in our constant thoughts and prayers.

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  5. We hear you melissa. In awe with your incredible strength. Keep writing, we are here,on our knees, lifting you and yours up. ❤️

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  6. My understanding (from a friend who lost a daughter) is that is could get far worse before it gets any better. If there is anything we can do to help with the other children (play with them – have them over) please let me know.

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  7. I am from East Lansing but grew up in GR. My parents still live in Ada. Please know that people you have never met and likely will not meet are praying for you. We wish you strength to make it through an hour at a time. Your anguish is palpable and personally, I want to give you all the comfort you can take.

    Peace will be wished for you every day.

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  8. Melissa. This tragedy has shocked the consciousness of thousands of people. Like a defibrillator revives a still heart, the collective empathy for your anguish at the loss of this source of joy has awakened or hearts and minds. We are more mindful of our family and friends today. Our words are a bit more gentle. Our hearts feel bigger toward ourfellow man. We are not taking today for granted.

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  9. Melissa, you do not know me but we lost our 18 year old son in a tragic accident in March of 2014. We found out on Facebook that he had been killed before the police ever contacted us. This will be the worst week of your life. It will get much, much worse before it begins to be not as worse. It is a nightmare that you will never wake up from no matter how much you wish you could. Please keep blogging. It will help.

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  10. I am so terribly sorry for your loss and the pain you and your family are enduring. You are in my heartfelt thoughts and prayers. Be strong and continue to to write.
    Love to you and your family.

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  11. Melissa, I had the wonderful privilege of meeting Lucas on a few different occasions. He and my daughter Alyssa were good friends. He truly was an angel.
    I have to commend you in your strength to get through these days and nights. We are praying for you and thinking about you.
    Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help out. Provide a meal, someone to yell at, whatever it may be.

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  12. Melissa. I have attempted to write this four times now as it is just impossible to find the right words so I am just going to speak from my heart. I am so glad you reached out on your blog. You are right. It is a nightmare. But absolutely know. His life mattered. Had meaning and will continue to even as he is in heaven. I was so lucky to get to meet him when my daughter and Lucas met for ice skating over the Christmas break. I instantly thought he was great! I knew he was such a special guy. So warm and caring and fun. I was just about to contact you about the dance. They were becoming great friends. Being in orchestra together and all they had in common. It is unreal to talk about him in the past tense. There is so much more to say. Hopefully I will get to meet you and talk to you sometime soon.

    Your pain you write about and feel is beyond comprehension. So many have experienced loss but losing a child is something no one should have to endure. His time here was way too short. None of it will ever make sense. We grieve for him, you and your family. I understand your void. I understand feeling like you have nothing left. Please don’t give up. Please keep communicating. It is hard to believe but you do have the strength in you to just take it day by day. Hour by hour. Minute by minute. That is all you can do. Just hold on. Please know our hearts and prayers are with you.

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  13. Melissa,
    We have never met, my son knew Lucas from baseball and FHC. I have been thinking about you and and your family constantly… Last week, I saw your Lucas at the batting cages while I was picking up my son. Lucas waved to us, and as my son got into the car he said. “he is just the nicest kid!” I didn’t think anything of this at the time, but now I realize what an impact your son had on so many! I am so very sorry for your loss, I can’t even begin to understand… Being a mother of 4 and the oldest a 15 year boy, ( I have 3 younger daughters) I understand this special bond between a mother and her son. I can understand that your heart must be shattered… I pray for you and your family and hope that you will continue to write as I hope that it will help…

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  14. You don’t know me, Melissa. And I have never met you. But I am a mom too. And my daughter is a freshman at FHC. You are so so so brave to write down your feelings. For some reason, writing things out have a therapeutic benefit none of us yet understand. And I am a cancer patient. And I have had time to “roll around” in death and my own mortality. Which has given me thought to all of our mortality. You said you want this to mean something. And it will. But it might not be the answer you want. Often we don’t understand the WHY until much, much later. And even then, we may never ever really understand. Please be strong. Your children need you. Your husband needs you. Your relatives and friends and Lucas’s friends need you. He is with you every single moment now. I truly believe that. Life on this earth is so temporary. But life after this earth is eternal. I can’t explain it. But I believe it. I will pray for you every single night, Melissa. Let everyone help you now. And you, I know, will help another mom, another day.

    Anne

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  15. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Melissa… I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through! I am so sorry. (Julie “Flietstra” Geers)

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  16. I am praying for your precious family. I am so incredibly sorry. There are no words, but God will carry you through. May you find strength and peace amidst the pain. Luke has touched so many and left an incredible legacy.

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  17. Melissa, even though I can not even begin to understand your pain, my heart completely breaks for you and your family. My daughter is my whole world and I cannot even begin to understand a ounce of what you must be feeling. The Lord has all answers and I hope he guides you through your pain.

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  18. We just want you to know how much you all are in our thoughts and prayers! We can only imagine what you are going through but we know that God walks with you. I believe that God feels your pain and hurts with you and that Lucas is now walking with his Heavenly Father. Care for you!
    Jean

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  19. Melissa, my heart hurts for you and your family. My daughter died from injuries sustained in an auto accident nearly 10 years ago now. She would have turned 20 this coming March. You will have days where nothing makes sense. Days where the sunlight will shine and you will feel his love. Keep blogging, keep sharing, and know that he was an amazing young man. But know that there is no time limit for coming to terms with your emotions regarding his loss. Sending you and your family so many thoughts and wishes for peace of mind. Take things moment by moment dear lady. Much love from my family to yours!

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  20. My heart breaks for you. I know your pain very well. I lost my 17 year old son in a car accident in May of 2012. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this horrible loss. Nothing I could say will make you feel any better but just know there are people who care about you and your family and most importantly God cares. Lean on everyone around you.

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  21. I know your pain! We lost a daughter. She was 23 and her earthly life was cut way short. I lead a Grief/Recovery Support Group at Genesis United Methodist Church which is in the Watermark Area near where you live. We would very much welcome you into our loving group as you work your way through this unspeakable tragedy in your life.
    Blessings, Lynn

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