im not doing well today. It’s too much. Just too much. The pain… It’s like being cut open with a scalpel and no anesthesia. I need my boy. He’s the only one who would know what to say. Please come back to me Lucas. Please. Please. Heavenly Father I need every single one of your Angels to lift me up this week.


23 thoughts on “Sinking

  1. Praying for your next breath and the next. You don’t have to “do well” dear one. It’s ok to be falling apart- to be screaming- to be falling. I am so sorry and like many of us whom you may never know, am crying out to your Father for you… to hold you, tenderly care for your gaping wound, breathe in and for you… keep you.


    • Everyday waking up must just feel so painful. I am praying that God will just wrap you in His loving arms and give you a peace like you have never known. I am praying as you need to go through visitation and the funeral this week. Just seems so unfair to put you through that. Only God can comfort you right now. I am praying and praying for you Melissa.


  2. Hello Melissa…You don’t know me but I am a cousin to Barb Bennett and my daughter Katie DeBoer took your family pictures over the years. I cannot even begin to imagine your pain and anguish. Please know that we are praying for you and your entire extended family. I met Lucas a year ago at Trudy’s birthday party and just remember thinking what a wonderful young man he is. It sounds like your precious son touched many lives in a positive way. That will hopefully give you peace in the coming hours, days and weeks. Lifting you up to our heavenly Father who loves and cares. Asking Him to let you see glimpses of your son in the words you’ll hear from family and friends. I loved the picture of him dancing that I saw on FB. Today he’s dancing with the angels. You have my sympathy and my promise to continue my prayers on your behalf. Denise Dieleman


  3. “Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.”

    Mark Twain

    Please know that the community is with you. Take it minute by minute. It’s okay. We are praying for you and with you.


  4. Thinking and praying for you and your beautiful family. My husband read this passage at my dad’s funeral a couple of months ago. I thought maybe it would help you. It starts out bleak, like the way you are feeling, But it definitely ends with hope.

    What Will Matter

    By Michael Josephson

    “Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end. It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant. So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured? What will matter is not what you bought, but what you gave. What will matter is not your success, but your significance. What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example. What will matter is not your competence, but your character. What will matter is not how many people you knew but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone. What will matter is not your memories but the memories that live in those who love you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what. Living a Life that matters doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not a matter of circumstances but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters.”

    Though I did not know Lucas, From everything I have heard and read about him, he definitely chose to matter. He was compassionate, courageous, generous, a great example to his younger siblings and his friends. He will be loved and remembered by all who knew him and by so many more who didn’t get the privilege to know him, but whose lives have been deeply touched nonetheless. I pray that you will somehow, someday find peace. I know it is a long and difficult process. But know that there are countless people out here lifting you and your family up in prayer and love.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I drove by your house this morning. I so badly wanted to rush up to the door and rescue you. My heart aches for your family. I sat across the street and prayed over your house. I literally felt Gods hands covering it. His angels wings sheltering you. Sink into his hands and let Him carry you.


    • God, please meet Melissa where she needs you in this moment, carry her through each breath of this day, let her rest in your palm as you wipe every tear from her beautiful face. In Jeseus name I pray, Amen.


  6. I realize nothing I can ever say will bring Lucas back but I would like to help out any way that I possibly can. I know you probably don’t want any visitors but If you need help with meals or anything else please don’t be afraid to email me. Constantly thinking and praying for you. I drive past your house everyday and I say a little prayer every time. Wishing and hoping that God comforts you more and more everyday. My church is saying prayers for you everyday as well. You are not alone Melissa, the Forest Hills Community is here to catch you when you fall.


  7. Dearest Melissa…my heart breaks for you. My beautiful daughter passed six years ago. So I know how you feel. Lucas is just beautiful and it is a little comfort to know we will be with our children again someday but it will seem like an eternity.
    I hope I don’t offend you sweetie…I cut some of my daughter’s curls to put in a locket. I hope you do the same it is a little something to have with you all the time. Sending huge warm ((((hugs)))) your way. One day and one breath at a time my dear.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I want to let you know about a wonderful, Christ based program that gave me much hope after my husband passed away. The name of the program is Grief Share. There are many sessions in the Grand Rapids area.
    Your pain is your own unique grief, no one can understand. I will be praying for you.


  9. I am so sorry for this tragedy. Lucas sounds like a wonderful boy on his way to being an amazing man. I cannot imagine your pain. His life was cut short. It’s not fair. It doesn’t make any sense. It hurts beyond words. Moving through time minute by minute is all you can do now. Your other children will give you strength. Lucas is forever and always with you. You will never be alone.


  10. Praying that you feel Gods comfort for the next breath and the next step. Just keep breathing and let everyone around you hold you and your family up. Praying … Praying… Praying!


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