I am so glad that God (and I think Lucas ) are propelling me forward to write.  It is so therapeutic for me.  I wake up thinking of something and immediately I feel like I must type it out, it’s bursting out of me.

Lucas was such a gift.  Such a blessing to everyone.  I knew it from when he was little and his kindergarten teacher described him as kind. So kind. Then his first grade teacher fell like love with him (I know because she’s my friend) and saw things in him maybe I didn’t recognize yet.  He was different.  She told me “he’s going to be homecoming king someday.” That’s the kind of thing a mother never forgets.

Then he went through a terrible illness where we nearly lost him.  He came out with a big piece of skull missing.  He never complained.  He didn’t complain when he had to stop snowboarding and ice skating and sledding.  He couldn’t play baseball or basketball or really anything.  He could bowl. So he bowled.  He was awesome at it.

He was just happy to be alive.  Happy to be at Goodwillie where he could enjoy nature to its fullest.  Immersed in trail guiding, leaf collecting, canoe building, drawing with Woody, eating outside in the snow. He loved everything they did there.  That he made it into Goodwillie is purely amazing- he simply soaked it up.  During a time in his life where he could have been upset and angry he was simply full of joy.

I’m not going to do his entire life bio here.  Mostly because I have a two year old next to me who needs a diaper change.  All his life I knew he was a gift.

In the book Lament for a Son by Nicholas Wolterstorff he describes not knowing how much he loved his son until he was gone. I knew how much I loved Lucas.  I knew with every cell in my being what I had.  Something one in a million.  One in a hundred million.  A parent could not POSSIBLY love a child more.

Does that make it harder that he is gone? I want to say yes but it is also no.  Every parent that loses a child has a huge hole in their heart.  It is terribly horribly painful.  Remembering Lucas as a physical person right now is like putting my hand in a fire.  Picturing in my head him holding his baby brother or at the baseball mound or walking in the door from school – just cut my arm off instead.  I can type about it but I don’t really see it in my head.

Loss is loss.  However I am just so grateful.  That God gave him to me for a little while.  That he could make an impact on so many people.  That God blessed me with this child that I always knew was too good for this earth.  The person that he was is the person that will be remembered.  His legacy will make an impact on this earth if I have to stand on the street corner handing out LIVE LIKE LUCAS bracelets.

He was too beautiful just to be just lost.



12 thoughts on “gift

  1. Melissa, your words are touching so many people in and around our community. Lucas was very lucky to have such a wonderful mother as well. I continue to lift your entire family up in prayer daily. I attend Ada Bible (Knapp Campus) and absolutely love the messages and how they speak to us personally. God is working through you to touch others, to give them hope and also to realize how lucky and blessed each and every one of us are. Thanks for being so transparent in your thoughts. May God bless you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Every single morning, you give me something to think about…I am eternally grateful to you! Google this song: “Grace and Peace”, by Fernando Ortega. May you find Grace…and Peace today…….


  3. Melissa, I have lost a son as well. For me, it has been the greatest pain I have endured. I found understanding and support from the international group “The Compassionate Friends” which has wonderful information on the web as well as group meetings. “We need not walk alone” is one of their motto’s and your blog reminds me of that as we are both part of a club we never wanted to join. Your writing is and will be heart touching for many. May God hold you close. Thank you for sharing. (With time that raw pain has soften for me, but it does take time, so many first to go through.)


  4. Thinking of you this morning! So glad to know that Lucas loved Goodwillie and had a chance to go there. Rick Gillette and the staff are the best! My mom, Eloise Johnson, was a retired music teacher and every year, the students there produce her musical, “A Christmas Carole.” She adored the school and the students. I am sure that Lucas was a part of the production while he was there. Also, I am glad you are reading “Lament for a Son.” I was in high school with Eric and Dr. Woltersdorff was my prof at Calvin. It is a very tough book to read, but profound. God bless you and keep you!!


  5. I wake up every morning thinking “how you are coping with this indescribable loss of your sweet son Lucas.” Your words bring an incredible sense of sympathy for the pain you are experiencing every single day. Lucas’ legacy is shining through in every single word you write. He will NEVER be forgotten! May God continue to be your comfort.


  6. Melissa,
    You are right and Kathy says it also so well in her comment “Lucas legacy is shining through in every single word you write”!
    People need to know about Lucas strength and love : adults and kids who experience difficult times as Lucas did. How he did it with such a beautiful spirit. Lucas can help them now through your words, your book “Live like Lucas”. The Gift is within you and is been asked to be shared.


  7. Melissa,
    I have fallen in love with him through your blog and am always thrilled to learn more about your truly incredible boy. As I’ve said before I wish my boys could have had the privilege to meet and better yet know him. I will share your stories with them and and remind them of this amazing child of God often. Thank you for sharing your amazing child with me and my boys. Thank you for the legacy of Lucas and the beauty of Gods love on earth.


  8. Wow Melissa – you have a beautiful son, a beautiful gift for words, a beautiful earthly family , and you are a BEAUTIFUL Christ follower ! You and your family are in my prayers daily !!! LIVE LIKE LUCAS !!!!


  9. You are a beautiful person Melissa, and you raised a beautiful son! Your words touch my heart. Your strength of spirit, and sharing of love; Lucas’ and yours, is changing lives. I pray for you every morning when I wake, and every night as settle into bed, and you are in my heart everyday all day long. Love you


  10. I am so thankful to God for answered prayer that you continue to write—I have personally prayed that you continue this for I too have felt from God that this blog is so special for you & others . Your words are not only words from your heart but from your spirit where God lives. A woman I read about in Guideposts lost her husband in Iraq; the pain she shared is so similar to you. It was when she was asked to be on a panel to help other soldiers wives or husbands who lost their spouses in war did she feel healing. She now as started a new department within the Army called Survivor Outreach Services. She feels her experience was a calling from God to help others. Prayers are continually with you—-open your heart to hear God tell or show you how this blog will help others especially to those who have lost a child.


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