In the early morning hours before I finally climb out of my cozy cocoon is when my mind really races. Today it was in so many places, so many painful places, and yet glorious places as well.
I started thinking about the accident. For the 40,000th time. I feel nausea. I wonder strange thoughts like “what did they write on his attendance record at school?”
I try to distract myself with thinking about how big God is. My pain feels so big its crushing me. I pray, “God in your infinite greatness take this pain away.”
How big is God? God cannot be measured. He does not fit in a category. There is no number or scale that can begin to quantify the God of the universe. Yet he knows every hair on my head. He knows every tear that falls from my face. As I ponder an infinite all creating God, I think of nature.
“I have lived pain and my life can tell: I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks the heavy perfume of wild roses in early July and the song of crickets on summer humid nights and the rivers that run and the stars that rise and the rain that falls and all the good things that a good God gives.” -Ann Roskamp
Lucas loved nature. To love nature is to love God. That is why Goodwillie was his happy place. This quote by John Ruskin could be his mantra:
“Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
God is BIG. God is GREAT. God hand created the tiniest flowers to the mighty oak trees. My pain though very real and visceral to me pales in comparison to WHAT GOD IS.
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.”