I am blown away.

I am writing at night for the first or second time, usually it is in the morning when I am more melancholy.  Right now I am filled with the Holy Spirit and I am bursting.  Just bursting.

I think I just heard the most important message of my life.  Emerson Eggerichs spoke at a women’s event at Ada Bible.  If you have never heard of him he is an internationally known speaker on marriage among other things.  Who happens to reside right here in Grand Rapids.

How God orchestrated THIS speaker and THIS speech at THIS time- I have no words.  Add it to the list, which is a mile long, of God’s hand in my life directly and undeniably.

His message was called the Wounded Healer.



Right now I am wounded beyond compare, bruised, damaged, bleeding, I can barely take a breathe without the stab of “my son is gone and he’s never coming back. My son is gone and he’s never coming back.  He’s in a cold box in the ground and he’s never coming back.”

I did not honestly think I was going to go on to ever enjoy life again.  Only struggle.  Only heartache.  Only that unfillable hole.  I did not think I could go on because the hurt was TOO BAD.  JUST TOO HARD.  TOO INCOMPREHENSIBLE. I would never be able to accept it, much less heal, much less want to live.

I am afraid of even trying to paraphrase Emerson’s message.  The most powerful part to me was when he told of a professor at Wheaton college who had lost his wife and daughter in a car accident. He lost everything and had gone on to be the most Holy, compassionate, Christ-filled, humble healer Emerson had ever known.

When there’s devastation there is always the why.  Why God, Why would you take my son. Why when he’s just begun to experience life.  Why when he was such a beautiful person and had such potential.  Why would you give me such indescribable hurt.

There is only silence.  Yet we know the very nature of God and he loves us THAT MUCH. We know that if we were the only person on earth Jesus would still have died for us. There is no greater love.  He paid for our sins.  He wiped the slate clean. The God of the universe loves us.

So I know I am wounded- I am left with Healer.  I know that when January 16 happened I felt like my life was stripped away and nothing else mattered.  Nothing else mattered but Jesus.  Jesus and the hurting world that is so, so, very wrong. a confused world that is selfish and fake, where no one really knows who they are and what they are doing here.  How can I heal when I am so broken? What can I do being one little tiny person in a great vast landscape of evil?  All I know, all I really need to know is I can be used.  Somewhere and somehow.  Instead of bitterness I choose joy.  I choose healing.

I Peter 2:24

“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.”

Please, I beg of you to watch this Emerson Eggerichs “Wounded Healer” on adabible.org/women


10 thoughts on “healing

  1. When I saw my email late or early morning since my husband & I have a cleaning business & work very late words can’t describe my joy in reading your recent entry. I had been praying that you would go to see Emerson speak. I have seen him speak at Res. Life on marriage. My daughter bought his book on kindle so we can all share ( I have 5 kindles that my family uses so we can read the same books) We also clean his office. I feel God used him as an answer to all the prayers for you. I feel God uses people to help one another in Christ. I am so thankful to God for His love to you & for the woman who invited you to this meeting—all in God’s plan. I pray for continue healing. Listen to God & continue to write . God bless!


  2. Melissa, I am so touched by your writings. Thank you for so honestly sharing your thoughts. If you have not read Grace Disguised by Gerald Sittser, I recommend it.


  3. Melissa
    I was there at ada bible last night too… And I prayed and said “God please let Melissa be here!!” I thought of you the entire speech… What a moving speech… God is Good!


  4. Melissa, beautiful message — God is using you in a mighty way. Continuing to pray for healing, strength, comfort and God’s peace that passes all understanding. Thank you for sharing your heart.


  5. As I read your thoughts, I keep thinking about how once I heard Rick Warren speak on the purpose of pain. My “take-home” message was how God never, ever wastes a hurt in our lives. He is using, can use, and will use every single ounce of your pain for good–every single tear and moan. So when it feels like it’s all for nothing, I hope and pray God gives you a glimpse of His purpose for this pain. Because I think I can see it. I feel like the words you are writing here are God-breathed. Like they’re speaking right to our hearts. Thank you for reflecting.


  6. Although it seems grossly inadequate, I simply thank you. I did not find the video through the church’s website, but I did find the Wounded Healer via google search. The 48 minute video was worth every minute…he left me with a most powerful question, “Will you trust God based upon what you do know about Him in the face of what you do not understand?” Powerful beyond words. I continue to pray for your peace and healing. Again…thank you.


  7. Melissa- I’m not sure that you know me, although I’ve been in the Thornapple MOPS group for the last 9 years, so I know we’ve crossed paths- and have many mutual friends. I was there at Ada Bible that night (and am in a small group with Emerson’s son and daughter in law so I have met him and know what an amazing man he is). But I have to tell you that as I sat there that night, I kept thinking of you and I hoped and prayed that you would be there and would be able to hear that message. I’m so thankful you were. Please know that you are in my prayers…


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